Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
