im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
