Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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