"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
