The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
