Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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