I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
