So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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