Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
