How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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