we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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