Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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