Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
