My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
