ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
