Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
