no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
