I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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