He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize