the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize