My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You smell like stripper and shame
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
