I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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