i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
