you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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