I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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