Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
