I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
