Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
