Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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