I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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