I'm eating all of the evidence.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
