So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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