I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
