I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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