nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
