just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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