i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
