I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
