New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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