i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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