He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
