Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
