I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
