My first STD was from a foam party
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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