Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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