I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
