Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize