i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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