He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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