obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
