Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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