we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
