Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
