I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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