just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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