girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
