I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
