just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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