Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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