I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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