Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
